if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
