I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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