Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
