They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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