I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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