Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
