walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
If I die, sorry about rent.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
