why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
