I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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