I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
