Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
