is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
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