im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
