I just made out with a guy for $7.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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