Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
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