i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Randomize
