you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
