he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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