I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Dignity is for republicans.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
It's blow job season.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
