Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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