After last night, I could never be a politician.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
