shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Reggie can tackle my bush.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
