She announced her abortion via fbk
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
