I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
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