i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
