My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
