Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Randomize
