Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Randomize
