oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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