take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
how do you play pong handcuffed?
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
