So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
