First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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