If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
