I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
