My boss' voice literally gives me gas
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Randomize
