He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I have aggressive nipples.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
