My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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