Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
