Swine flu. Run for my life!
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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