you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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