i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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