Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
