all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Randomize
