yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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