I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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