If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I'm always down for nudity.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
