8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
COCAINE IS GR8
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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