She said her name was "party"
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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