omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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