After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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