Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
