Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
